New Heroin-Based Vaccine Could Eradicate Chickenpox Disease

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WASHINGTON (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) on Friday approved a new controversial heroin-based vaccine for children that promises to deal the final death blow in the on-going battle against the deadly chickenpox virus.

Although the experimental drug has been highly criticized by some health advisory boards, specialists believe the benefits of eradicating chickenpox “dramatically overweight” the “minute” chances of inducing heroin addiction in young children.

“The anti-microbial properties of heroin have been drastically underestimated and understudied because of the taboos concerning the illegal drug” explains Dr Yu Shi Jung, who took part in the 3-year test phase.

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The FDA has approved a controversial new heroin-based vaccine that could deal the fatal blow to the deadly chickenpox virus

“Heroin tends to attach to the chickenpox virus which stimulates the body’s immune system to recognize the agent as a threat and destroys unwanted microorganisms” explains Dr Yu Shi Jung.

Although the FDA has approved the new vaccine, anti-vaccine groups have responded to the news with extreme prejudice.

“Why would anyone want to produce a heroin-based vaccine when we already have one that clearly works?” explains John Carpenter, spokesman for Truth about Vaccines. “This is completely and utterly disturbing. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone” he responded.

“Why would I inject my children with heroin to get rid of such an insignificant disease as chickenpox?” Jane Grundell of the Association for a Vaccine-Free America. “My children are not guinea-pigs! The FDA has gone completely insane!” she told reporters when joined on the phone.

Chickenpox, also known as varicella, is a highly contagious disease which results in a characteristic skin rash that forms small, itchy blisters. It usually starts on the face, chest, and back and then spreads to the rest of the body. Other symptoms may include fever, feeling tired, and headaches which usually last five to ten days.

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